Don't You Hate Being Manipulated?
Tuesday, June 18, 2013 at 4:23PM
Essrea Cherin

Are you as tired as I am of people taking advantage of you - just because you are nice?  People walking all over you, as if you are a doormat?  Getting you to give them whatever they want, only to find they never seem to care about your needs?  Some people have the 'Art of Manipulation' down so good, you don't even realize what happened until it is too late and they are walking away to the keys to your house (practically!).

Well, guess what?  There is a fail safe way to ensure this never happens again! 

Manipulators' Pot Holes

Did you know that it is not possible for someone to manipulate us without our allowing them?  Yes, this is the secret to staying out of this proverbial pot hole! 

The key is to recognize the very moment that we give our power away to the other person.  At that moment, we have signaled to him or her that their needs come before ours.  They may test the waters a few times, and get the same results, "Sure enough, it worked again!"  Eventually it becomes expected and habitual.

However, the power to change this debilitating dynamic is in our hands.

Who to Get Angry At?

We want to be careful not to get angry at the identified 'manipulator' - after all, we gave them our power.  The anger more rightly ought be directed towards ourselves.  However, that is not a very productive emotion to direct inwardly.  Better to have compassion for ourselves - surely we learned this technique from role models along the way who did not know better. 

The fact that we recognize the need for change and that it is in our power to make a change is extremely encouraging and we ought to give ourselves a 'pat on the back' for seeking help and insight into this habit we happen to have.

Are you ready to stop giving your power away to others and change the dynamics in your most troubling relationships?  Give me a call or drop me an email - together we can uncover those moments that slip by our radar and set us on the wrong course in our relationships.  Once we bring clarity to how and when we have, once again, given our power to the 'other' we can begin to make different choices as we go forward.  We need to shine the light upon ourselves to see what we are responsible for instead of focusing on what the other has 'done to us.' 

I am happy to work with you in person, over the phone or by email - whatever suits your needs.  Together we can put an end to this one!  Call me!


Article originally appeared on Conflict Resolution and Management: Coaching Clients to Harmonious Results (
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